Made to Kill: Domestic Violence by Proxy

Domestic violence is a complicated topic. Even though I worked for a time in a domestic violence court, I’d never seen a case like this before. A case where a child was made to kill - by her mother. 

 

Welcome to another episode of The Unlovely Truth. I’m your host, private investigator Lori Morrison. Join me for another captivating true crime story, where physical, spiritual, and emotional safety takeaways are waiting for us. If you are listening, I believe you have a unique calling—to become a different kind of PI, not a typical private investigator, but a person of impact!

 

This is Season 4, Episode 40. Our book this week is “My Mother’s Soldier” by Mary Elizabeth Bailey. Our guest is Chris Moles, who edited and contributed to “Caring for Families Caught in Domestic Abuse” written by a team of biblical counselors. Chris is a pastor, a certified biblical counselor, an author, and a podcaster. He’s going to help us unpack some areas where the church needs to grow when it comes to responding and ministering to families that have experienced domestic abuse.

 

Childhood wounds plague us all, but it’s hard to imagine any worse than those of Mary Elizabeth Bailey. When she was just 11 years old she committed a murder. That’s incredibly shocking for most if not all of us. What’s even more shocking and perverse is why she did it. Mary killed her abusive step father, not because she thought it was the only way to stop the abuse. She killed him because her mother told her to.

 

Proverbs 3:27-28 NLT

 

Do not withhold good from those who deserve it

when it’s in your power to help them.

If you can help your neighbor now, don’t say,

“Come back tomorrow, and then I’ll help you.”

 

It’s in our power to help people stay safer more often than we think. Mary’s mother could’ve kept her children safer if she’d made less selfish choices. You’ll have to trust me that I didn’t go into as many details as the book did. Mary’s grandmother could’ve called the authorities. Maybe she feared losing the kids to foster care but that’s what happened in the end anyway. Brother Jim and Mrs. Kay probably did more for Mary than anyone. 

 

We don’t know if the schools that Mary attended did much. To be fair, her family moved a lot which is quite common among families where abuse is happening. If the abuser doesn’t let you get close to anyone, it’s less likely you’ll get help. It doesn’t seem as though neighbors did much, or at least if attempts were made they weren’t successful. 

 

But we are all supposed to do good things for people whenever we can. We aren’t supposed to put it off! Keeping a battered wife and an abused child safe is certainly good. If you suspect that someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, there are several different ways you can help. If you fear for that person’s immediate safety, call 9-1-1. Today’s verse says not to say you’ll help tomorrow. For some victims of domestic violence, tomorrow will be too late.

 

You can also tell the person you are concerned about them and want them to know that you are a safe person to talk to when they are ready. Make sure you let them know that a hotline exists that they can call for confidential help from trained advocates. I’ve put that number in the show notes for you so be sure you store that number somewhere you can access it. 

 

Anyone experiencing domestic violence needs to be reminded that they don’t deserve what is happening to them and that they are not to blame. They need to be believed. They need to know that God’s plan for loving relationships, especially marriages, is that each partner puts the other’s needs above their own. Children are to be seen as a blessing and not a burden. 

 

We need to tell them how much God loves them, but we can’t stop at mere words. We have to show that love by doing whatever good is in our power to do for them. I challenge all of us to find someone in our circle who needs us to see them, believe them, and offer practical help to them.

 

Let me know what you think! Send me an email a lori@theunlovelytruth.com or message me on social media. I love it when people are willing to have those hard, but impactful conversations!

 

Visit my website to access more episodes, read my blog posts, or check out ways you can financially support the podcast so that together we can impact more people, more families, and more communities. If you would like to contact me about booking me as a speaker, or ask about my consulting and investigative services, please email me at lori@theunlovelytruth.com. 

 

Get Chris’s newest book (and support The Unlovely Truth by using this affiliate link)

 

For church leaders - grab a copy of The Heart of Domestic Abuse: Gospel Solutions for Men Who Use Control and Violence in the Home (affiliate link)

 

Visit Chris’s website

 

Check out www.menofpeace.org

 

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Other episodes on Domestic Violence: Domestic Violence Statistics Don’t Lie: Meet the Man Trying to Change Them, Domestic Violence: There is Help Available

 

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Need Help? Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) to reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline